Our first theme for submissions is oral sex. Send in your most successful, absolute worst, and/or funniest sexual encounters you’ve experienced or heard of below the belt.
‘Easy?! You men have no idea what we’re dealing with. Teeth placement and jaw stress and suction and gag reflex. And all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don’t call it a job for nothing.’ – Samantha Jones, Sex and the City
Was it tedious and drawn out? Was it your first time and you just weren’t sure what to do?
‘That’s what happens in a relationship, you stop caring. The next thing you know the sex is sporadic, the blow job’s bi-annual and ass play is out of the question.’ – Hank Moody, Californication
Was it with someone you just didn’t feel that spark with anymore? Or ever?
‘You have a lot of nerve telling me to get a wax. If you were in Aruba the natives could bead your back. And it’s not just there; every time I blow you I feel like I’m flossing.’ – Samantha Jones, Sex and the City
Was the other person not tidy enough with their personal hygiene and grooming down there?
‘No, no, it’s more like a sex toy. A dildo essentially, only you strap it to your head so that the dong part juts out from your chin. It enables you to accommodate your lady by performing oral and penetrado at the same time.’ – Hank Moody, Californication
Was it hot and exciting? Was it with someone new or an old flame that never went out?
‘I will not be judged by you or society. I will wear whatever and blow whomever I want as long as I can breathe – and kneel.’ – Samantha Jones, Sex and the City
Was it so dirty that you haven’t told anyone about it? Did you experiment with edibles or extra features such as other orifices or toys?
Please send us your oral sex story submissions here.