Oral sex seems to be one of those things you either really enjoy, or absolutely hate. It also seems to be one of the first things you experiment with when you’re a hormone-raged teenager who thinks they know everything. I mean, oral sex is safe, right? It’s not like you can get pregnant from it so it’s a worry-free way to get the edge off… or something like that.
‘I don’t want to be the up-the-butt girl, because I mean… Men don’t marry up-the-butt girl. Whoever heard of Mrs. Up-The-Butt? No, no, no. I can’t. I want children and nice bedding, and I just can’t handle this right now.’ – Charlotte York Goldenblatt, Sex and the City
My boyfriend and I had been dating a long time, blow jobs weren’t something new to me at this time. There was, however, one thing about giving him BJs that always bothered me though, and it’s not what you would think. No, it wasn’t his scent, he always made sure to be clean down there before I ever started. It wasn’t his hair, his size, or anything of the sort that bothered me. No, it was the fact that since the first couple of times I tried to blow him, I couldn’t make him cum.
At the time, I felt like I couldn’t satisfy my boyfriend. He never had any issues finishing me off (for once) so a part of me felt like I was not fulfilling my part as a girlfriend.
Let’s face it at sixteen you think the stupidest things matter. But moving on…
One night in my parents’ basement, we were having a little fun. I should mention I’ve expressed my concern of not finishing a successful BJ to my boyfriend before. Not that he was overly worried about it like I was. Hell, he was getting his dick sucked, why would he care if I finished or not? But I guess he could see that I was a little disappointed in myself, so while I was bobbing around like a freaking kangaroo on roids, he tried really hard to explode, like Mount St. Helen’s style.
Well… he shot. I swallowed. And then I gagged and gagged. I ran to the bathroom and literally drank some mouthwash.
I’ve tasted cum before, this did not taste like what I had remembered. When I walked out of the bathroom, he looked like he was ready to curl up on the floor and die of embarrassment. Yup, he confessed that he was pretty sure he just peed in my goddamn mouth! It doesn’t taste like apple juice, I can tell you that much.
I’ve read stories of people abandoned in the woods or those old mines who drank their urine in order to survive. Ladies, if you find yourself in such a situation, just let yourself dehydrate, okay? Maybe my own urine wouldn’t be as gross, but I’m not about to try and compare it as if it were wine.
To sum it up, I brushed my teeth so clean my dentist would have been proud, and then we laughed about it a couple of weeks later.
‘Somewhere out there is another little freak who will love us and understand us and kiss our three heads and make it all better.’ – Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
And now I do know there are many things that can go horribly wrong during oral sex, but I do enjoy giving a good BJ now and then. Oh, how the years have made me wiser.